Affairs & Cheating

Do you think your spouse or partner may be cheating on you or having an affair? These are some of the signs you can look for in their behaviors. Watch closely and believe their behavior.

What is cheating?

When you make a marriage commitment, it means you will be faithful until "death do us part." Cheating, affairs, and infidelity all fall into the realm of unfaithfulness. This means one or both people in the marriage relationship are not doing their part to fulfill their agreed commitment.

When Infidelity Strikes

Clare walked into the dinning room, "Brad? Brad?..." She had just gotten off a long day at work and topped off the Tuesday with the worst sales call she had for weeks. Why did the contract have to fall through now? Clare wondered as she opened the fridge to make dinner. Brad would probably want a chicken salad again. He was trying the whole Keto thing, but she wasn't convinced. She would probably die if she didn't get her morning bagel.

Glancing down at her phone, she saw an unread text message. Oh, it was Brad. "Mmmm." She hummed. Maybe he was stuck in traffic again. "Wait, what." Clare murmured as the words of the text scrolled across the screen. "Working late till after 8PM. Urgent work meeting. No need to wait up." She sank onto a nearby stool top and stared at the phone's screen. Late again? Now? This was the fifth time this month?! Guess she could skip the salad.

Suddenly a wave of cold realization washed over her. Clare's stomach turned over once, then twice. She had a sinking feeling. They had previously had some problems, but they had gotten over those right? That was a while ago last fall and... he... her thoughts trailed off. Thinking back, things had felt a little isolated recently. Brad had retracted into himself over the last few months and spent more and more time out after work. If it wasn't the gym or golf, it was mostly late meetings. But that was normal right?

Other people have marriage problems and disagreements occasionally, but they were nothing big right? Clare valued her relationship and thought other people should and did the same. Other people might have affairs or problems, not Brad and her. We both came from Christian families and went to church every... well every other Sunday. She tried to shake off the doubt and keep making dinner, but the nagging doubt remained. "This is crazy," she said out loud to no one in particular. Her phone didn't reply.

She quipped, "Hey Siri, what does it mean if my husband is always late from work?" Siri replied, "I found this on the web. Check it out."

Unfaithfulness can be the result of a moment of weakness or planned actions over the course of a long while. Cheating hurts your heart. Affairs destroy marriages. Infidelity is one of the worst possible things to discover in your relationship. Maybe you have a gut feeling. You might have suspected something was off for a while or discerned in your spirit that your relationship or situation was changing between you and your partner or spouse. Your husband or wife may be acting differently than normal or trying to avoid certain topics.

Discovering that your life partner is cheating on you is devastating. It can feel like the whole world is crashing down on you. However, one of the best ways to fix the situation is to uncover the problem, address it through counseling, and deal with it through on-going support and treatment. Here some of the things you can look for which may indicate there is infidelity in your relationship.

When Things Are Out of Place

The signs of cheating in a relationship or an affair can range from gut feelings and instincts to behavior to strange smartphone usage to schedule changes. Here are some of the things you can watch out for and be aware of.

Gut Feeling & Spiritual Discernment

  • Confrontation

    The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in the first place.

  • Confidence

    Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.

  • Gut Feelings

    Your intuition (gut feeling) tells you that something is not right.

  • Misplaced Gifts

    You find intimate apparel or other small gift-type items that are gifts for someone else and have not been given to you.

Unusual or Out of Character Behavior

  • Unworn Wedding Rings

    When your partner shows up without their wedding ring or suddenly stops wearing it and makes lame excuses as to why. This also goes for jewelry you might have purchased for them and you catch them not wearing it when they go out when usually they wear it at all time.

  • Routine Changes

    When they break their established routine at work and home for no apparent or logical reason along with erratic behavior.

  • Distant Thoughts

    When your mate becomes suddenly forgetful and you have to tell him or her everything several times. Their thoughts seem distant and are obviously elsewhere.

  • Lack of Interest

    When they appears distant, show a lack of interest, or develop an unexplained aloofness that wasn’t there before.

  • Behavior Inequality

    When their behavior just doesn’t add up.

  • Unusual Actions

    When your wife sleeps with her purse by the bed, or your husband sneaks out of the house.

  • Behavior Reversals

    When your spouse suddenly starts completely ignoring you and not listening to what you are saying -OR- when they suddenly begin to treat you extremely nicely…more so than usual.

  • Leading Advice

    When they encourage you to have a social life and go places out of town, and it seems like they’re trying to get you “out of the house.”

Finding Birth Control

  • Birth-control Pills

    When you find new birth-control pills in the medicine cabinet, and you’ve had a vasectomy they know about.

  • Condoms

    When you find condoms in the car or in his pant pockets, and you are on the pill.

Cleanliness & Scents

  • Scent Changes

    When he or she leaves the house in the morning smelling like their usual fragrance and returns in the evening smelling like something else.

  • Bathing Routines

    When they arrive home and head straight into the shower or bath, and they work an office job.

  • Unfamiliar Smells

    When your partner or spouse’s clothes smell of an unfamiliar perfume or after-shave used by the opposite sex.

  • Fragrance Changes

    When he or she has worn the same fragrance for years, and suddenly they are wearing something new and wearing more than usual.

Uncomfortable Around You

  • Mutual Friend Changes

    When your mutual friends start acting strangely toward you, because they either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible spouse you are.

  • Co-worker Changes

    When your spouse’s co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence, because either they know about the affair or have heard horror stories to justify it.

  • Easily Angered

    When your spouse seems less comfortable around you and is “touchy” and easily moved to anger.

  • Social Avoidance

    When your spouse avoids social events with you, as if they want to cover up that they are with you.

Email Accounts & Usage

  • New Email Accounts

    When your spouse sets up a new e-mail account and doesn’t tell you about it.

  • Email Time

    When your spouse spends all their time writing emails, checking their email, or guarding their emails.

  • Email Cleanup

    When your husband or wife suddenly deletes all emails from the email account and cleans out the deleted folder when it’s not just a clean up to save space. In the past, they used to let the emails accumulate.

  • Email Deletion

    When they delete an email the minute it comes in and then delete the trash to make sure you don’t see it.

Cell Phones & Smartphone Usage

  • New Smartphone

    When your partner or spouse buys a new cell phone without planning to and doesn’t let you know about it.

  • Voicemail Deletion

    When your husband or wife suddenly deletes all messages from the voicemail where as they used to accumulate.

  • Caller ID Removal

    When they suddenly delete all caller IDs from the phone so you can’t see them.

  • New Billing Accounts

    When your partner or spouse sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to the office.

  • Blocked Phone Access

    When you aren’t allowed to ever look at or use their cell phone, and they go to great lengths to make certain their cell is not answered by you.

  • Constant Phone Use

    When your spouse is secretive about their cell phone and it is on their person 24/7, and they are on it talking or texting that whole time.

  • Alias Contacts

    When they receive bizarre text messages from friends that don't add up and you think they may actually be other people listed under aliases.

Computer Usage

  • Late Night Screen Time

    When they stay up to “work” or “play a game” on the computer after you go to bed without telling you specifics or who they are playing with. Excessive internet usage, especially late at night, is a red flag.

  • Blocked Access

    When your spouse will not allow you access to their computer.

  • Sudden Shutdowns

    When your partner or spouse will suddenly shut down the computer or turn the screen off when you walk into the room.

  • Unknown Passwords

    When they password protect their personal laptop or computer without telling you the password. Companies may not allow the sharing of work laptop passwords.

  • Private Chat Platforms

    When your partner or spouse warily guards access to their Google chats, chat logs, games, IRC chat servers, Discord app, VOIP, Skype, Facebook messenger, Twitter direct messages (DMs), Instagram messages, Slack chats, virtual reality chat rooms, or other social media or messaging apps.

  • Adult Sites

    When your spouse or partner has adult sites and/or related search results showing in their browser history such as "4chan", "pornhub", "adultfriendfinder", "ashleymadison", or similar websites with adult content.

  • Explicit Search Results

    When your spouse or partner has explicit search results showing in their browser history such as names of body parts or areas of the body. They may have features like Google's SafeSearch browser setting turned off.

  • Erased Browser History

    When your spouse or partner erases their history after each late-night session on the computer.

Home Environment Differences

  • Polygamy Questions

    When your spouse raises hypothetical questions such as, “Do you think it’s possible to love more than one person at a time?”

  • Open Relationship Questions

    If your partner or spouse asks you what you think about having an "open" relationship with more than one romantic partner.

  • Unusual Helpfulness

    When they have a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry (and they never have before) and it’s like they’re trying to find or hide something.

  • Liking Previous Dislikes

    When your partner or spouse shows a sudden interest in a different type of music that they really disliked before.

  • Lost Attention

    When your spouse loses attention in the activities in the home and seems forgetful, distracted or like they don’t care.

  • Attitude Changes

    When your partner or spouse has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home including children or pets.

  • Project Desire

    When you notice that your partner loses their ability and desire to show the children the attention they need or a lack of desire to do any fix-ups around the house, e.g., lawn care, painting, cleaning the garage, house repairs, etc. They might turn this around on you at the same time and accuse you of never doing anything or treating the child(ren) badly.

  • Relationship Apathy

    When they are always tired without cause or demonstrate a noticeable lack of energy or interest in the relationship.

  • Sleeping Other Places

    When they sleep on the sofa some of the night.

  • Not Sleeping Together

    When you two don’t go to bed together, and they tell you not to wait up when you have always done so.

  • Schedule Questions

    When your spouse suddenly asks about your schedule more often than usual along with wanting to know where you’ll be and when.

  • Abusive Words

    When they talk to you they treat you abusively or with disdain, disrespect or excessive sarcasm. They may begin to find fault in everything you do in an attempt to justify their affair.

  • Overly Critical

    When your spouse is exceedingly critical and sometimes mocking you.

  • Truth Accusations

    When your spouse becomes “accusatory,” asking if you are being true to him or her. This is usually a reflection from their guilt.

  • Feigned Emotions

    When they begin to speak more and more harshly to you, or are more sarcastic. Sometimes this is just an attempt to justify their cheating or to give them an excuse to storm out of the room and/or house.

  • Lack of Affection

    When you notice that they are reluctant to kiss you or accept your affection and/or they criticize you for showing attention.

  • Shunned Love

    When your spouse ignores or criticizes your loving behavior and thoughtful ways. Example : "Why are you so luvy duvy? I’m just not like that."

Lifestyle Changes

  • New Interests

    When your partner or spouse joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program and “hated” exercise before.

  • Unused Underwear

    When your spouse buys new, sexy underwear and you never see it.

  • Redefined Appearance

    When they have a sudden preoccupation with their appearance.

  • Dressing to Kill

    When she gets spiffed up and dresses provocatively to “go grocery shopping” or to “get her hair done.” She may also show up with a sudden change of hair style.

  • Looking Smooth

    When he showers, shaves (cologne, deodorant, etc.) and dresses up more than usual to “go out with his buddies” or to “go fishing.”

  • Wardrobe Changes

    When your spouse begin to make sudden and excessive purchases of clothes or an unexplained change in clothing style (for example, from business professional to steampunk).

  • Taste Changes

    When they show a sudden interest in a different type of music that they always hated before.

Gut Feeling & Spiritual Discernment

  • Confrontation

    The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in the first place.

  • Confidence

    Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.

There is hope of recovery from sexual addiction

Sex addicts can recover by learning the right information, seeking to change their behaviors, participating in individual and couples counseling sessions, and joining recovery workshops and groups.


This includes following the proven step-by-step process for gaining a functional awareness of sex addiction's destructive patterns, identifying weaknesses in addiction management and coping strategies, and wanting to get better.

Get Help Now

Get help and care for your affair, addiction, or broken relationship. Counselors are waiting to help.

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