What is cheating?
When you make a marriage commitment, it means you will be faithful until "death do us part." Cheating, affairs, and infidelity all fall into the realm of unfaithfulness. This means one or both people in the marriage relationship are not doing their part to fulfill their agreed commitment.
Unfaithfulness can be the result of a moment of weakness or planned actions over the course of a long while. Cheating hurts your heart. Affairs destroy marriages. Infidelity is one of the worst possible things to discover in your relationship. Maybe you have a gut feeling. You might have suspected something was off for a while or discerned in your spirit that your relationship or situation was changing between you and your partner or spouse. Your husband or wife may be acting differently than normal or trying to avoid certain topics.
Discovering that your life partner is cheating on you is devastating. It can feel like the whole world is crashing down on you. However, one of the best ways to fix the situation is to uncover the problem, address it through counseling, and deal with it through on-going support and treatment. Here some of the things you can look for which may indicate there is infidelity in your relationship.
When Things Are Out of Place
The signs of cheating in a relationship or an affair can range from gut feelings and instincts to behavior to strange smartphone usage to schedule changes. Here are some of the things you can watch out for and be aware of.
Gut Feeling & Spiritual Discernment
Confrontation
The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in the first place.
Confidence
Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.
Gut Feelings
Your intuition (gut feeling) tells you that something is not right.
Misplaced Gifts
You find intimate apparel or other small gift-type items that are gifts for someone else and have not been given to you.
Unusual or Out of Character Behavior
Unworn Wedding Rings
When your partner shows up without their wedding ring or suddenly stops wearing it and makes lame excuses as to why. This also goes for jewelry you might have purchased for them and you catch them not wearing it when they go out when usually they wear it at all time.
Routine Changes
When they break their established routine at work and home for no apparent or logical reason along with erratic behavior.
Distant Thoughts
When your mate becomes suddenly forgetful and you have to tell him or her everything several times. Their thoughts seem distant and are obviously elsewhere.
Lack of Interest
When they appears distant, show a lack of interest, or develop an unexplained aloofness that wasn’t there before.
Behavior Inequality
When their behavior just doesn’t add up.
Unusual Actions
When your wife sleeps with her purse by the bed, or your husband sneaks out of the house.
Behavior Reversals
When your spouse suddenly starts completely ignoring you and not listening to what you are saying -OR- when they suddenly begin to treat you extremely nicely…more so than usual.
Leading Advice
When they encourage you to have a social life and go places out of town, and it seems like they’re trying to get you “out of the house.”
Finding Birth Control
Birth-control Pills
When you find new birth-control pills in the medicine cabinet, and you’ve had a vasectomy they know about.
Condoms
When you find condoms in the car or in his pant pockets, and you are on the pill.
Cleanliness & Scents
Scent Changes
When he or she leaves the house in the morning smelling like their usual fragrance and returns in the evening smelling like something else.
Bathing Routines
When they arrive home and head straight into the shower or bath, and they work an office job.
Unfamiliar Smells
When your partner or spouse’s clothes smell of an unfamiliar perfume or after-shave used by the opposite sex.
Fragrance Changes
When he or she has worn the same fragrance for years, and suddenly they are wearing something new and wearing more than usual.
Uncomfortable Around You
Mutual Friend Changes
When your mutual friends start acting strangely toward you, because they either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible spouse you are.
Co-worker Changes
When your spouse’s co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence, because either they know about the affair or have heard horror stories to justify it.
Easily Angered
When your spouse seems less comfortable around you and is “touchy” and easily moved to anger.
Social Avoidance
When your spouse avoids social events with you, as if they want to cover up that they are with you.
Email Accounts & Usage
New Email Accounts
When your spouse sets up a new e-mail account and doesn’t tell you about it.
Email Time
When your spouse spends all their time writing emails, checking their email, or guarding their emails.
Email Cleanup
When your husband or wife suddenly deletes all emails from the email account and cleans out the deleted folder when it’s not just a clean up to save space. In the past, they used to let the emails accumulate.
Email Deletion
When they delete an email the minute it comes in and then delete the trash to make sure you don’t see it.
Cell Phones & Smartphone Usage
New Smartphone
When your partner or spouse buys a new cell phone without planning to and doesn’t let you know about it.
Voicemail Deletion
When your husband or wife suddenly deletes all messages from the voicemail where as they used to accumulate.
Caller ID Removal
When they suddenly delete all caller IDs from the phone so you can’t see them.
New Billing Accounts
When your partner or spouse sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to the office.
Blocked Phone Access
When you aren’t allowed to ever look at or use their cell phone, and they go to great lengths to make certain their cell is not answered by you.
Constant Phone Use
When your spouse is secretive about their cell phone and it is on their person 24/7, and they are on it talking or texting that whole time.
Alias Contacts
When they receive bizarre text messages from friends that don't add up and you think they may actually be other people listed under aliases.
Computer Usage
Late Night Screen Time
When they stay up to “work” or “play a game” on the computer after you go to bed without telling you specifics or who they are playing with. Excessive internet usage, especially late at night, is a red flag.
Blocked Access
When your spouse will not allow you access to their computer.
Sudden Shutdowns
When your partner or spouse will suddenly shut down the computer or turn the screen off when you walk into the room.
Unknown Passwords
When they password protect their personal laptop or computer without telling you the password. Companies may not allow the sharing of work laptop passwords.
Private Chat Platforms
When your partner or spouse warily guards access to their Google chats, chat logs, games, IRC chat servers, Discord app, VOIP, Skype, Facebook messenger, Twitter direct messages (DMs), Instagram messages, Slack chats, virtual reality chat rooms, or other social media or messaging apps.
Adult Sites
When your spouse or partner has adult sites and/or related search results showing in their browser history such as "4chan", "pornhub", "adultfriendfinder", "ashleymadison", or similar websites with adult content.
Explicit Search Results
When your spouse or partner has explicit search results showing in their browser history such as names of body parts or areas of the body. They may have features like Google's SafeSearch browser setting turned off.
Erased Browser History
When your spouse or partner erases their history after each late-night session on the computer.
Home Environment Differences
Polygamy Questions
When your spouse raises hypothetical questions such as, “Do you think it’s possible to love more than one person at a time?”
Open Relationship Questions
If your partner or spouse asks you what you think about having an "open" relationship with more than one romantic partner.
Unusual Helpfulness
When they have a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry (and they never have before) and it’s like they’re trying to find or hide something.
Liking Previous Dislikes
When your partner or spouse shows a sudden interest in a different type of music that they really disliked before.
Lost Attention
When your spouse loses attention in the activities in the home and seems forgetful, distracted or like they don’t care.
Attitude Changes
When your partner or spouse has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home including children or pets.
Project Desire
When you notice that your partner loses their ability and desire to show the children the attention they need or a lack of desire to do any fix-ups around the house, e.g., lawn care, painting, cleaning the garage, house repairs, etc. They might turn this around on you at the same time and accuse you of never doing anything or treating the child(ren) badly.
Relationship Apathy
When they are always tired without cause or demonstrate a noticeable lack of energy or interest in the relationship.
Sleeping Other Places
When they sleep on the sofa some of the night.
Not Sleeping Together
When you two don’t go to bed together, and they tell you not to wait up when you have always done so.
Schedule Questions
When your spouse suddenly asks about your schedule more often than usual along with wanting to know where you’ll be and when.
Abusive Words
When they talk to you they treat you abusively or with disdain, disrespect or excessive sarcasm. They may begin to find fault in everything you do in an attempt to justify their affair.
Overly Critical
When your spouse is exceedingly critical and sometimes mocking you.
Truth Accusations
When your spouse becomes “accusatory,” asking if you are being true to him or her. This is usually a reflection from their guilt.
Feigned Emotions
When they begin to speak more and more harshly to you, or are more sarcastic. Sometimes this is just an attempt to justify their cheating or to give them an excuse to storm out of the room and/or house.
Lack of Affection
When you notice that they are reluctant to kiss you or accept your affection and/or they criticize you for showing attention.
Shunned Love
When your spouse ignores or criticizes your loving behavior and thoughtful ways. Example : "Why are you so luvy duvy? I’m just not like that."
Lifestyle Changes
New Interests
When your partner or spouse joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program and “hated” exercise before.
Unused Underwear
When your spouse buys new, sexy underwear and you never see it.
Redefined Appearance
When they have a sudden preoccupation with their appearance.
Dressing to Kill
When she gets spiffed up and dresses provocatively to “go grocery shopping” or to “get her hair done.” She may also show up with a sudden change of hair style.
Looking Smooth
When he showers, shaves (cologne, deodorant, etc.) and dresses up more than usual to “go out with his buddies” or to “go fishing.”
Wardrobe Changes
When your spouse begin to make sudden and excessive purchases of clothes or an unexplained change in clothing style (for example, from business professional to steampunk).
Taste Changes
When they show a sudden interest in a different type of music that they always hated before.
Gut Feeling & Spiritual Discernment
Confrontation
The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in the first place.
Confidence
Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.